Anxious as ever, with words I wrote,
I wonder in fear
What visions they disclose
And whether they had throbbed
In an expectant heart.
I tailored my words
As curtains that hang
On windows of soul,
Flicker and flutter -
Hiding with hints.
But what if they had rammed
On unwanting doors
And shown in their haste
More than was meant?
How else to explain
The silence that stalks
My inbox for months
With absence and pain,
Seemingly in vain!
Silent and shelled now I lie,
In wave-ridden beaches of time.
9 comments:
Ok,I read this piece 50times but didnt quite get it.I undrstand the 1st 3 stanzas and then cant connect it with the last 2.I understood that the speaker had created words which went to the wrong person and created wrong impressions.Again,I got jumbled.Is the speaker unwilling and so "in fear" or is the other side "unwanting"? I didnt get any of it :( :( :(
My bad.The speaker is anxious about certain words in his last reply which the receiver probably did not expect and did not want to face and therefore has not replied to his reply which obviously is troubling him.
That's about it. I guess the logic was more clear in my head than in my text.
Ah,now I get it.So the speaker is probably a teenager,13 probably.Nice attempt to probe into a very young and very immature mind.Now I feel a bit of pity for the silly little sensitive boy.The last two lines are beautifully expressive -- reminded me of the young kid in Dubliners.
pity? may be.would we just feel pity for the boy in Araby? Isn't that experience somehow ours as well? Don't we all search for some image of perfection that is always beyond us and beautiful precisely for the distance?
Exactly so.It is the very idea of beauty that creates the awe.The idea of perfection.And this idea is very subjective I believe.Without the threat of disillusionment,we can delve into the 'perfection' we perceive.The phrase goes 'Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'.Distance helps maintain the non-existence of disillusionment and curbs down fear -- of loss.Desire and fear go together,you see?
I dont think the speaker in this piece is actually enjoying the unavailability,the distance.He seems to be in pain and doesnt seem to be enjoying it at all.I have perceived this kid differently from the Araby boy.There both the admirer and the object were kids and their love would face a hundred barriers of the adult world.The efforts could fall short and the target never reached because of these unwanted barriers.Therein lies the tragic sense of helplessness and evokes pain in the young pair.
But here it seems that the boy is suffering and that too due to lack of communication.Somehow the receiver sounded like she knows what she is doing.No reply for months.Why,the boy should have taken the hint.A distant admiration,a worship from far is beautiful,romantic in our adolescent memories,but when it goes up to interpersonal communication and then such behavior is downright rude.Probably the young boy has gone then for a girl more practical than romantic.Just think you are in a long distance relationship and exchange letters but she doesnt reply to u for months due to some fact she doesnt wanna face.Hello?It breaches basic norms of inter-personal bonds.I pity this boy's ignorance from my years.Had I been 13 I wud hv cringed too.A young heart doesnt want to believe what is obvious.Ofcourse this had been a part of our adolescent years .Its painful.Infact,we havent outgrown it as yet.Hav u wondered hw rcvng curt small replies to our sms from someone we respect or care for,makes us feel?Do we think b4 we send such replies to smbdy we take as subordinate/inferior/less important to us?We just dont reply at times.Insulting some 'expectant heart'.The feeling has remained the same -- feeling uncared for,unloved,unwanted,insulted.Its just that as we grow up,we learn to cope with the indifferent attitudes,season ourselves well for the pain we receive.This is just my unimportant opinion.Tell me how you see it.
Agreed.instead of the daring surrender of a moment we nestle is callous disregard or prudent calculations and lose the breeze that blows no more...dry thoughts in a dry brain.
and believe me, poetry can be wonderful for such required seasoning.
Ofcourse,Mr.Chakraborty i believe u on that ... sufferers know ;)
What i dont understand is,why are we so afraid?sometimes we know exactly what we want,what our heart really desires but we just back out from those 'daring surrenders of a moment',afraid to want what we want.where does the fear lie?remember those lines from Wuthering Heights?Lockwood says "while enjoying a month ... to decamp." check chapter1 of volume1.Even Lockwood has the same problem.why?why on earth?do u have any answer?
Unfortunately, no.may be psychiatrtists do.I guess much of it has to do with the fear of the pain of probable refusal.But I am sure that's not all.doubts, anxieties...so much drags us down on so many occasions.who knows...
Not psychiatrists,psychologists will do.
Fear and desire go together.Sometimes its our narcissistic tendencies,sometimes past experiences and ofcourse fear of the unknown that creates barriers.You had written a pretty piece What's in a Name -- romantising the idea of undefined,uncategorised relationship.Do you know open relationships,undefined relationships also cause harsh suffering in people?The bottomline is we enjoy the sheer pleasure of the adreline rush,the hypothalamic secretions,the passionate indomitable attraction but we cant categorise because we dont want to.We all love to be loved,worshipped,admired.A hands-free,non commital enjoyment.Enjoy the breeze as it blows,they say.I am not criticising you see,I am just observing.It is just normal human behaviour.Strange when we come to think of the fear lurking behind such 'love'.The human brain is complex and the human psyche unfathomable.I dont believe in love personally,its all about the pleasure principle at the end of the day,love thy self.Dont know how and where poets find so much of love to write about.(come to think of it,maybe the receiver in this poem of yours too wanted an undefined relationship,uninvolved enjoyment?maybe the message unnerved her due to possible hints of commitment-expectancy?the other end of uncategorised-romance??just guessing! u'll know better.)
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