Monday, April 23, 2012

Keeping Score


My cluttered words now flap
As truce-flags in dry wind.

Crawling towards hope that
Dare might mean
They stutter and falter
And cringe into a blank
That leaves my page unimproved.

Scalding in unremitting heatwave at noon
I stagger with soles now pasted in pitch
With a tongue that is parched to the root.

Born and bred amidst rubbish and grime
These my droplets of void that’ll keep
Scores of loss of disposable hopes. 

19 comments:

Jinksy said...

That's some total score you've run up here! :)

Semaphore said...

There is a lot of passion in these words - it demands more exposition and context for the reader to get the full impact. Write on!

Kerry O'Connor said...

You always achieve such a sense of place in your poetry. The grime of the street and the effect on the soul is very well portrayed.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Fantastic writing! Each image burns into the reader's mind. The tongue parched at the root.......a strong poem that sears the reader. Wowzers!

Anonymous said...

"Scalding in unremitting heatwave at noon I stagger" ... I like this and "droplets of void."

rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Mama Zen said...

Those first lines are really powerful!

Laura said...

beautiful heart opening-breaking writing.

hedgewitch said...

Great feeling of intensity and passion, some bitterness, too, but the kind that propels, not eats away at the soul. The idea of one's writing being a kind of score keeping is spot on, I think.

Susie Clevenger said...

My cluttered words now flap As truce-flags in dry wind. This speaks to me of the times I fall into the pit of writer's block. I will write something I am not happy with but still I post it...hoping I have not lost my gift. Great work!!

Herotomost said...

Yoiu win if we are truly keeping score...I bow to the bounty of words that you produce each time with qwuality unsurpassed....great writng and cool thought process.

Mary Mansfield said...

You've done a great job capturing the gritty heat of the street. Nice one!

Heaven said...

I hope you will keep on writing and sharing your passion despite the rubbish and grime that you see ~

Happy day to you ~

Fred Rutherford said...

strong write. Love that second stanza. Really nicely done. Thanks

Mary said...

Your words are spoken from your depths with so much feeling, Abin!

Marian said...

oh, man, keeping score of the loss of not just hopes, but disposable hopes. that shit is bleak. as always, love the beauty in your words, even in the bowels of despair.

Isadora Gruye said...

this one evokes a feeling of dry mouth and malcontent, but done so in a refreshing manner. Original and truthful. well done. May your heels be tar free this week!

M. A. S. said...

Great the whole way through. Very passionate language.

Margaret said...

The imagery of the first two lines is very nice! And yes, my junk pile has more than my keep pile at times.

Jack said...

Your phrasing is a thing other poets should study.