I scribble through my contacts
And dribble for a call
As hours and minutes keep oozing along walls
With trails that are as straight as tracks.
Chugging with fumes as in outmoded cars
I rattle and scuttle
With cough, phlegm and spittle
And drown in the puddles
Of plasticised prattle
Where bathe our voracious
Much-lauded cattle
With briefcase and bags great or little.
Here among droning of newsreading bees
I turn to my headphones and quietly now block
Their humming with stereophonic locks.
Battered with cycles of clocks without chimes
I pay my bills late and muddle through my mimes.
[This one's dedicated to Jack...read his poems and you'll see to what extent the poem draws formal inspiration from his practice]
19 comments:
I love the rhythm and the music in your poem ... well done :-)
Wow. You have perfectly captured the fiendish monotony of routine. Routine seemingly planned by the universe. The assonant/consonant build is enviably nice throughout, and the second verse rhymes are like a rebellious will to attack. It is clever that by the end, narrator's motion is not genuine, becomes merely an act for nothing fabulous.
Also, thank you.
(previous comment removed, needed clarification)
Wonderful, Abin! Smiles! I think you have worked Jack's style nicely. I don't know that I could imitate anyone's style.
Ah yes, flashes of the Morning Commute! So well done, Abin.
How incredibly uncomfortable you made me with this one! Mission accomplished! And it flows with ease and clarity, too.
Your words carry the point perfectly and the closing line concludes this piece very well.
And drown in the puddles
Of plasticised prattle
Alliteration with 'oomph'! :)
I LOVE your first three lines. Great sound!
I admire what you did with your sounds in this poem, Abin. The rhymes, alliteration, assonance all serve to bring the scene to life.
Well done!
The tedium of a morning commute...you have captured it so precisely..love "droning of newsreading bees"
Abin...To maintain a consistent meter, a poet has to choose words that fit. And I see a brilliant play of words and rhythm here!:)
I am loving it!
and so it goes for so many, day in, evening out...you've captured the feeling of commuting so well.
Beautiful use of alliteration--this just sings
This one makes me anxious and filled with morning routine blues. Hits fast and has great rhythym that keeps me a bit off kilter, kind of like you would fell in the hustle and bustle. Great Job.
The sounds are vibrant here...chugging, scribbling and humming ~ Hope your morning is not as rushed as this one ~
A most admirable use of words, Abin. I love it.
K
aloha Abin. I like the ease and flow your words follow as I read. it feels natural to the way I'd speak yet clearly you do a lot with internal an external rhyme and sound. as the overall sense sinks in - wow. aloha.
ahh sounds familiar.
well captured and highlighted.
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